Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
