Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
