I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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