I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
