Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
