At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
