The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
