why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
