She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
