you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
