I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
