Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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