I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
