oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
