For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
