i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
kristin has been a bad kristin
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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