He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
