So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
