No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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