I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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