Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
