When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
