oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
