How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
