im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
