whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
