I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
