butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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