shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
