ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
