Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
