grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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