saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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