You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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