I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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