I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize