We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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