Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
