someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
