Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
