I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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