you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
