I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
