Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
