Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
