is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
