So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
