Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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