he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
bring money and cleavage
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
