i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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