so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
