dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
